A letter to the Hopeless Romantic

June 13, 2017

Dear Hopeless Romantic,

I know that you've been thinking. I know that you've been wanting. I know that you've been chasing. Love. Everything about it fascinates you and drives you to want it more and more and more. You ask yourself, how can a word so small be so powerful? How can I be so obsessed with something so  intangible? My hopeless romantic I want you to know that you are not alone. I need you to know that I was once you. I say 'once you' not to mean that being a hopeless romantic is a bad thing but sad to say my love it isn't a good thing either.

I really didn't want to be the one to break the bad news but look at the first word in the phrase HOPELESS. Babygirl, if we look at it and break it down it means your search for romance has no hope. You know why? You wanna know why? You really want to know why? Ok, I'll tell you but you have to promise to tell everyone you meet who is like you. Its because you are looking for it !

My dear hopeless romantic, have you ever searched high and low for something in your house, car, desk or bag? Didn't you get super frustrated because you knew what you was looking for but could not find it to save your life? But, when you finally decided to stop looking there it popped up in your face as if it wasn't playing hide and seek for hours? Yeah, I know I hate that too. But guess what when you 'chase' romance that's exactly what you're doing; playing hide and seek with love. Once, again I hate to bear the bad news but you're not winning this game darling heart.

Remember earlier in the letter when I said I was you too once. I don't want you to think this was some long time ago. It was actually a few months ago. I was always obsessed with the idea of love and romance. The flowers, dinners, candles, songs, movies, books etc. I was a LOVE junkie. It was literally the #1 aspiration in my life for most of my teenage years. I hate it because now I realize that I was brainwashed to think that if those things I mentioned didn't occur then it wasn't love. I really based all my relationships ( lol the few I've had) on the level of romance. I would say things like " If it ain't like the R& B love songs I don't want it" or my personal favorite "No romance no chance". Lol I was so clever. But all this buzz around romance and what it really is had my head swung and my mind cloudy.

My hopeless romantic, I wrote this letter specifically to you not to call you out but to help to see what I saw. To save you from the hurt I experienced chasing something that was running from me until I took a seat and a breath. This won't be the only letter I write and I have a few other people to talk to but you came first so let me give you some hope that isn't tied around romance.

I need you to sit down and think about it. 

Is being a hopeless romantic helping you find 'the one' or is it helping you sift through 'the twos' and 'the threes'?

 Is being a hopeless romantic helping you figure out what's your personal definition of love, intimacy and romance? Once again, I have no tips or witty acronym at my disposal but I do want you to answer some questions before I say my goodbyes:

  1. What made you so obsessed with finding love?
  2. What do you expect to get from this romance you're chasing?
  3. Do you love romance more than you love yourself?
  4. If you never get the romance you desire, will that change your perception on love?
  5. If you experience everything but the 'expected romance' does that mean the love isn't real?

As women, we tend to stress and spend a lot of our time talking, thinking and dwelling on love & relationships. Is all that energy really warranted? My dear hopeless romantic if you're focused on chasing romance then how will the person who is chasing you ever catch you?  I used to carry this title with pride. I basked in the fact that I was in love with love. I would literally tell people "I'm a hopeless romantic" when the question " Tell me about yourself" came up. But, I remember the day clearly when I dropped that title, I stopped chasing romance and relaxed. I'm not saying that I don't still enjoy dinner dates and and nice strolls on the beach but it is  no longer all I'm looking for. It isn't my deal breaker. I now look for way more than 12 roses and surprise picnics in the park. It's way more to this love thing than that but oops that just leads me into my next letter.

Sadly, this letter must come to an end I'll end it the same way I started it. My hopeless romantic I want you to know that you are not alone. I need you to know that I was once you. I say once you not to mean that being a hopeless romantic is a bad thing but sad to say my love it isn't a good thing either.

Signed,

The Little Lady who puts her hope in more than just romance.

 

 

 

 

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